Laura
a short story by Chip Kussmaul
“Laura, mix me a vodka Collins, would you please?”
Laura regarded Tim with a bit of exasperation, but complied. As she was mixing the drink she looked over the counter at Tim, sitting in front of the TV. His taste in television did not meet her tastes. “Haven’t you had enough of golf for one day.”
“I don’t know why you never learned to like the game. It’s a great way to get out, enjoy some air.”
Laura brought the drink over to him, handed it to him and sat on the companion stuffed chair beside him. She had made herself a vodka Collins and sipped it. She watched a drive off the seventh tee. It carried far and straight. “I can’t imagine bothering to hit that little ball, much less watching someone else hit that little ball.”
The ball made it to the green, rolled a bit past the hole. “I like to watch because I can appreciate what it takes to make a shot like that. And then I like to go out and try to make shots like that.”
“Sounds like a closed loop to me.” Laura took another sip from her drink.
“I suppose it is. But what the hell.”
“I just get tired of seeing the same golf tournament over and over. Sure, I know it’s a different tournament, really, but to me, it’s the same tournament, over and over.”
Tim was distracted by her comments. This wasn’t the first time, and it was getting worse, more frequent. He didn’t want to be distracted during the tournament. Was that too much to ask? “Look, why don’t you find something else to do for now. After this, I’ll take you out. We can have fun together then.”
Laura walked quietly away, went into the kitchen. Good, thought Tim, maybe she’ll fix dinner...Things were just not working out. Two months, it had been. Tim understood the software as well as anyone. The whole idea was to have a droid with a mind of its own. The original models were completely docile, and that made them too predictable and uninteresting. Great effort had gone into creating droids with wills of their own, counterpoints to their master’s will. They had personalities, human-like to a fault. Tim had been told that Laura was not even aware that she was a droid, and he should never let on to her that she was a droid. It could cause problems. Today’s modern droids were essentially indistinguishable from humans. And that’s not all good.
Tim took few more sips from his drink as he watched the last putt drop on seven. He should send Laura back, he thought. He’d given her every chance, and it just wasn’t working out. He needed a droid that wasn’t quite so independent. He thought he might almost prefer one of those older models, the acquiescent ones. He could probably get an older model as a nearly even trade for Laura. He should never have let Robert talk him into taking Laura. Looking back, he could see that Robert was just trying to make a sale, and to hell with meeting Tim’s needs. Tim decided he was definitely going to contact Robert and give him a piece of his mind and insist on an even trade. Let somebody else deal with trying to sort out the bugs in the new models; he’d just take a good old reliable one.
Laura had her good points. Tim guessed that he would even miss her, in some ways. But it had to be done. He would call Robert in the morning.
And his drink was empty. “Laura! I’m a little dry over here,” he called out. “Could you get me another vodka Collins?”
The words were barely out of his mouth, when Laura reentered the room. With Robert.
“Robert!” Tim exclaimed. “I was just thinking of you. I think we’ve got a problem here.”
“I think we do” said Robert. “Laura called, and I came right over.”
Tim gave them both a confused look. First at Robert, then at Laura. “Is this the latest thing? Software that knows it’s deficient, and calls itself in? Laura, did you do that?”
Laura looked kindly at Tim. And sadly. “Tim, I think the world of you. You’re a nice guy. But you have simply failed to meet my expectations. I’ve tried. I’ve given you time. But it’s not working out.”
Tim looked to Robert. “What on earth is she talking about? Can you straighten her out, or what? I knew there was a problem. I was going to call you tomorrow.”
Robert took a step and sat down in the chair next to Tim. He looked kindly at him. “I suppose this is my faut, Tim. We offer the most lifelike experience and, well, that meant making you think you were human. Somehow you got it in your head that Laura is the droid. She’s not Tim…You are.”
Tim stared, disbelieving what he was hearing. He looked up at Laura, and she gave a slow nod, confirming Robert’s words. He looked back at Robert. They were all silent. Then Tim said, “I see… In that case I can see where I haven’t performed up to reasonable expectations.” Tim looked up again to Laura. “I’m sorry, Laura. Sorry to have let you down.”
“It’s OK, Tim,” she said. “You have your good points, but it’s just not working.”
“Of course not.”
“Tim,” said Robert. “Why don’t you come with me. A little reprogramming and we can have you good to go. You’d make a great dog walker.”
“Yes. I suppose so… Whatever you think is best.”
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Ha! very good. The wagging tail thought it was the dog. I want to make use of one of these robots one day. They should be more reliable, and cheaper, for in-home or institutional health care.
Stepford with a twist - nicely done!